Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!


















Merry Christmas!  I hope you had a wonderful day filled with love, family and friends!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Thoughts on Newtown

Disbelief.

As this story unfolds from the faraway, I never even knew it existed Newtown, Connecticut, I’m jumbled.  How do you process this unimaginable tragedy?  How do you express what you’re thinking and what you are feeling? And how to explain to your kids without freaking them out along the way?   I don’t remember the “How to Speak so Your Child will Listen when a Maniac has Destroyed the Lives of an Entire Community” unit in Family Life studies.

****

And brokenness.

Friday I caught a glimpse of the report on the homepage of my computer.  A glimpse because even seeing the headline I thought to myself

“I can’t read that.” 

Turning the channel at lunch in the kitchen because the news channel and live coverage and somber reporters were on.

“I can’t watch this.” 

And later, passing through the kitchen again now with a group of co-workers gathered watching the coverage.

“I CAN'T watch this.” 

But finally turning again to my computer and reading and watching and sobbing at my desk.
And when I could take no more, walking away from it.

Except Newtown couldn’t walk away.

And coming back again, my heart aching and broken and wanting nothing more than to go home and hug my boys and never letting them go.

Except so many at Sandy Hook couldn’t go home and hug their kids and never let them go.

*****

And shock.

How does something like this happen?

Wise angry words from Colten, my 14 year old:

“Don’t people realize that going out and killing a bunch of other people who have nothing to do with what is bothering them is just stupid?  They didn’t do anything to him.”

Emergency Family Night was declared and we all snuggled on the couch and watched TV and ate pizza and watched a movie.

Josh, my 10 year old worrier.  Still afraid of the dark “because it’s dark” and “bad things happen in the dark”.  Now he sees that bad things happen all the time. 

“Mom, you know I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.  This is too scary.”

So we both camped out on the couch.

And morning came and we all hugged more and said extra “I love you”s.

********

And confusion.

I keep asking myself how different that day would have played out if someone, anyone had means to stop this kid before he could even get past the office. 

How? A gun? A taser at least? Office doors that require codes or cards or buzzers to let you in?  Does my kids’ schools even have these things?  And why would they?  Why do you need high security clearance to get in a school?

Because there is madness out there.  Crazy minds and dark forces and things I don’t want to think about.

Or read.

Or watch.

*****

And worry.

As Monday came and I had to watch Colten walk off into school and drop Josh off at his friend’s house before school.  Were they worried even though they didn’t say anything?  How would this day be different?  What would be said at school? Would they be safe?

And so along with my usual “Have a good day.  I love you.”  I’ve added “Be safe.”

****

And hope.

For comfort. 

For those families.

For that community.

For you.

For my kids. 

For me.

And we hurt and heal and grow and change. 

And we hope for change so this doesn’t happen again.

And we remember that life continues, even when it is ended.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

On Weight-y Issues

For the most part, and on most days I’m ok with where I am with my weight issues.  I don’t know that it’s fair to call them struggles because it’s not like I’m really trying to lose weight right now.  "Struggles" implies to me that I'm doing everything I can and nothing is happening.  I half-heartedly say I’d like to lose weight and that I need to eat better and get back to running and sign up for the dang Zumba class already.  But when it is all said and done, I still stick that cookie or chocolate bar or cake or fried-glorious-whatever in my mouth and promptly sit my ass down for another episode of Cake Boss.

And usually I’m ok with that.
 
Until this weekend.
 
I went shopping.
 
I knew it was inevitable.  I couldn’t cram my ass into those size 10s forever…  And the fact that I would willingly go a week without washing them because nothing is worse than freshly washed jeans...  Especially when they don’t really fit that well when they are stretched out and comfy.

So I bought a couple of pairs of jeans in a 12.  I had been wanting a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and I found the most comfortable pair at WalMart of all places.  They are Levi’s “Curvy Skinny” - The hips and thighs are cut curvy and the legs are skinny.  And I bought a pair of just normal jeans for whenever. 

I knew we were going out with some friends that night and I was SO excited to wear those skinny jeans.  So I put them on, put the sweater on I thought I wanted to wear with them. 

And…

It looked like crap. 

Muffin top that wouldn’t quit even with my new tank top that is supposed to help with tummy control and only made more rolls in odd places.  I really wanted to kind of dress up and it just wasn’t working.  I went through 3 different outfits at least 2 different times and in the end I ended up wearing my usual old Ohio State sweatshirt and the whenever jeans.  Blah. 

Plus my hair was being rude, but that’s another whine story.

That episode really sent me for a tailspin.  The rest of the weekend was grumpy after that. 

I managed to get out of the house to go grocery shopping alone on Sunday.  I decided I probably needed to find some larger tops also since the ones I have aren’t fitting as well either.  I hit up my favorite thrift store and scoured the aisles to find nothing.  Well, I did get another pair of whenever jeans in a 14 that unfortunately fit much better than even the 12s did.  But everything on the racks seemed to be mocking my pain and flabbiness and just being all wrong.

Lesson learned. Don’t go shopping grumpy.

I had also planned to do some Christmas shopping but by the time I was done with the spiteful thrift store and got our food from the way too crowded WalMart, there was NO WAY I was doing that. 

I just wanted to wallow in my self-pity. 

And I did.

And then I got over it.

The truth is I’m the one who has allowed myself to get back to this place.  This place where I was when I started Weight Watchers and lost 20 lbs.  This place where I eat for comfort and pleasure.  This place where I am uncomfortable in most of my clothes.  This place where I try to think of a way I could convince my boss to let us all come to work in our sweat pants and t-shirts because they don’t pinch our navel rings and belly rolls.

And all that is on me.  And the only way it is going to change… again… is if I choose to change it.

I can’t say that I’m there yet, but I’m taking baby steps. 

I started tracking my food on myfitnesspal.com again.  And I purchased a lot of veggies and fruit instead of chips and candy. I stopped buying that Pepsi at work, and I remembered the way that I could still get my afternoon chocolate fix - it’s a disease I tell you! - without eating my weight in calories. 
© The Hershey Company



Hershey’s Bliss dark chocolate squares.  It doesn’t take much to fulfill that craving and they are only 35 calories each.








Am I running?  Not yet.  Zumba? Not yet. I did look it up though and I am going to sign up for the new session that starts January 7th.

So I’m at that point that I’m no longer comfortable with where I am.  And things are changing I am changing things to get me back to that point. 

In the meantime, I am reminding myself of one of my many mantra’s that I have hanging in my cube at work…

I love who I am inside and out right here, right now.

Even if I feel like this…

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Creating Rustic Snowman Art

We have an extraordinary pile of wood in our backyard.  The wood is for our firepit, and the majority of it is from pallets that Adrian has brought home from work.  It makes great firewood, but I have had an itching to make something with it ever since he started bringing it home.  You know I wanted to do something with the mantel to add some height to the snowman collection I put up there.  And so, I got creative.





First, I found some boards that I liked and got a hammer and some nails.



I just eyeballed how wide I wanted it to be and figured out which side of each board I wanted facing out.  For the most part this was the most rustic looking side.  Then, I laid another board diagonally across the other board to secure them all together.







 
It didn't take Colten and I long to figure out that neither one of us could hammer a nail straight into the boards to save our lives.  So 6 bent nails later, I got some screws and the cordless drill. 

I might not be able to nail, but I sure can screw. Heh-heh.



My next revelation was that one board diagonally across 5 others is not going to hold the boards securely.  A bit more brainstorming and I decided that what I needed was a couple of larger branches to frame the front of the boards and at the same time, secure the boards down.

Colten helped me screw through the back of the boards and into the branches on the front.



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Time for a cute break*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


It's VERY important that you have all the necessary supervisors when taking on a project such as this.



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
On a sheet of poster board I traced two plates since I lack the ability to draw a circle.  I've got the crafty part down, but I've never been very artsy.






I cut out the circles and *ta-da* snowman stencil. 





I moved down to the yard and got my white spray paint.  I sprayed a layer of paint and let it dry.  I repeated this 2 more times since the wood was very absorbent.  If you wanted a more solid look, you could use a primer first.  I wanted the wood to show through though.

I also had a can of glitter paint that I sprayed over the entire piece.




I moved the piece to the garage to dry and let the fumes go away since it was too chilly outside for the paint to dry properly.  I let it dry for 2 days and then brought it inside to add the finishing touches.




I bought some buttons and hot glued them to the snowman to add some dimension to him.  Let's hear it for hot pink polka dotted glue guns!

I decided that having him look off to the side would be a nice change from the usual straight on snowman.  Of course Colten asked if the snowman had been in some kind of freak accident and that's why his face was crooked.  *sigh*  Teenagers.






I let the glue set up and very excitedly moved him to the living room.











A bit of rearranging and he found his home in the middle of the mantle.









  
What do you think?

BEFORE:

AFTER:

An added poinsettia also helps add some color and texture.  My Joy sign doesn't feel quite as out of place anymore either.  I still feel like I would like to have a big wreath up there instead of the Joy sign, but for now, it works and I really like it! 

So what kind of decorating have you been doing?  Have you created any rustic Christmas art?

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Charlie Brown Tree

Living in apartments for the last 4 years, we had to make due with this little guy.  I hated to not use him now that we have the space, so I designated him as the man cave tree.  Adrian has a collection of Star Trek ornaments that I seem to have a hard time finding a place for, so now, they have their very own tree.  I think this is a work in progress though.  He can really go crazy on his Fan Boy tree.






 Here's the Enterprise from Next Generation...







And the Romulan Bird of Prey.  He also has the Klingon Bird of Prey and the Enterprise from Deep Space Nine...















And Bubble Lights...













And the ultimate tree topper - Darth Vader's Tie Fighter.  We definitely need more Star Wars representation on this tree!

I think we are going to try and make these ornaments I saw on Pinterest.  We have tons of Legos.  So this should be fun.  

Lego Ornaments


Today was gorgeous out!  December 2nd and 66°.  Crazy.  I could handle a whole winter like this!

Colten has a Science project on fossils he is working on so step one was find a fossil.  We headed down to the creek across the street from the house and had an expedition.
 





We brought along a hammer and screwdriver to dislodge any fossils we found. 










Whether he was actually looking for fossils in this rock or not is questionable, but he really enjoyed chiseling it apart.













Colten found this little rock with 2 shell fossils in it.  We also found another shell fossil in the big rocks.  He's going to take them both in to school, then decide which one to do his report on.



I thought the mushrooms on this downed trunk were really cool.  They were huge!  I should have made one of the boys stand there for scale.  I would guess they were as big as a dinner plate at least.  I looked them up and they are polysphore shelf mushrooms.






I got some great ideas on what to do with the mantel.  Thanks for sharing your ideas on Facebook.  You can also comment here if you like.  I have an idea of what I want to do, but I just need to find the time to make it happen.  Of course I'll show you when I do.

What did you do with this weekend?  Was the weather great where you are too?  Did you find any fungis with your fun guys?